Tasuki ½
by Janelle J. Miaka Shi
Summary: What happens when Tasuki encounters the two things he hates most? Probably a whole lot of cursing. :P A weird little story about flamehead-woman-hating Tasuki. It'd be nice if you've at least heard of the animemanga Ranma ½ to get this story. ;


Tasuki ½  
By. Janelle Jimenez (miaka@bishounen.org)  
Webpage: http://bishounen.org/  
1997  
  
Warning: This Fanfiction contains explicit language, violence, and just   
general strangeness. Please don't let your parents read it :P  
Actually, seriously, this is my first attempt at a NON-serious fanfic.   
That's why it's not very funny, imo. Oh yea, this might be funnier if you  
just imagine them super-deformed 90% of the time.  
  
Tasuki stomped through the woods, the sun gently warming his skin.  
"Ah yeah, it feels good to be out here instead of in that stuffy  
city.." he said to himself. Today was a relaxtion day, and instead of  
going fishing with Tamahome and Chichiri and the rest, he decided he'd   
wander around by himself before they sailed off to Hokkan-koku to get the  
Shinzaho. Besides, he didn't want to be anywhere near water...especially   
when Tamahome was around. Tasuki hardly noticed that he was getting rather   
far from the docks. He passed a small sign, stopping he looked at it   
closely.  
"What the hell is that supposed to say?!?!" he exclaimed as he  
smacked the sign with his Tessen. The characters were barely visible,  
but even if they were legible, how well he'd be able to read the sign is  
unknown to the author.  
"Bah, who cares. If it were important, it wouldn't have been on  
such a crappy sign." Tasuki said to himself and continued to trudge along.  
After a few more moments of walking, he came upon a clearing in the forsest.  
It was an odd and curious place. There small, but deep looking pools of   
water cluttered all over the ground. Many of them had signs posted by them,   
Tasuki looked at a sign closest to him,  
"Ju..Jusenkyou--Keep Out." he read, he squatted down and looked down  
at the pool of water. He made a face at his reflection and then stood back  
up.  
"Spring of Drowned Girl." he said aloud as he read another sign  
next to him, "Hah, figures a woman would drown here. Women and water,   
bah." he muttered and kicked a rock into the pool, he intently watched the  
ripples in the water.  
"Maybe I should try and get over this stupid fear of water." Tasuki   
said seriously, "YEAH! Then I'll show Tama how FUCKING AWESOME I AM!" he   
shouted. A cuddly-forest creature looked at the orange-haired man oddly,   
and then ran away in fear. Tasuki ripped off his shirt (o_0) and set it   
aside and stepped into the 'Spring of Drowned Girl.'  
"That's not so bad. It feels kind of good actually, sorta cold  
though." he said to himself for reassurance. He took another step forward,  
the water was knee-deep.  
"I wonder why I was so scared of this in the first place, this is  
stupid." he muttered and stomped around, splashing the water to his waist.  
He laughed insanely, causing more cuddly creatures of the forest to run  
away in terror. He laughed and stomped around, extremely happy that he  
had faced his fear. But then suddenly...one of the massive waves caused  
by his romping shifted his center of gravity. Unable to regain his   
equilibrium (o_0), Tasuki lost his balance and fell head first into the   
water. He rose to the surface quickly and let out a blood-curdling scream,  
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! I HAVE BREASTS!" she shouted, she ran out of   
the pool and threw her shirt on. She smacked the sign with her Tessen  
repeatedly,  
"You bastard! Why didn't you tell me I'd turn into a girl!" she   
demanded. She picked up a large rock and launched it into the 'Spring of  
Drowned Girl', water splashed over the sides.  
"LEKKA SHINEN!!" she shouted, a stream of fire burst from the  
iron fan and caught the sign on aflame, the pool sizzled with steam and   
smoke as the fire encountered it.  
"Yea, take that." he..I mean, she muttered. He/she looked down at  
his chest, "This is NOT happening...Why couldn't I have turned into a   
panda? Or a duck? WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE A DAMN WOMAN?"  
  
* * * *  
  
"Ne, where'd Tasuki go?" Miaka asked as she tilted her head, she  
and Nuriko were lounging on the beach of Konan, soaking up rays while the  
boat was being packed for the trip to Hokkan.  
"Maybe he's thinking, Miaka-chan." Chichiri answered as he cast his  
fishing line into the water.  
"Suuuuure he is.." Tamahome chimed, he had a more efficient way  
of catching fish...stand in the water and grab 'em. A flash of orange-hair  
was caught in the corner of his eye,  
"OOI! TASUKI!" Tamahome shouted over to the figure, the   
orange-haired haired looked feminine...and she looked like she was trying to  
sneak away. She turned around and looked at Tamahome, about to open her   
mouth.  
"Ah! Gomen, you aren't Tasuki, sorry Miss.." Tamahome said as he  
walked toward the woman. By now everyone was watching her, Miaka, Nuriko,  
Chichiri, Chiriko, Hotohori, and Mitsukake--everyone except Tasuki.  
"Can I help you?" he asked the woman. Nuriko cocked his head to the  
side, "That's the ugliest woman I've ever seen." he whispered to Miaka.  
Miaka gently elbowed him in the side, but it was a rather truthful comment.  
She had flame-orange hair, the same color as Tasuki's. It was rather long,  
very very unruly. She had a rather frightening looking face, angry green  
eyes...and fang-like teeth...She could have probably been attractive if  
she didn't look like she wanted to kill you. What was even stranger was that  
this woman was wearing an outfit identical to what Tasuki wore when he left.  
Tamahome also seemed to take notice of all these points, his eyes widened   
when he saw a very familiar metal fan strapped to the woman's back.  
"TASUKI!?!" he exclaimed and burst out laughing.  
"Tasuki??" everyone else repeated in unison, the Seishi hurried to  
Tamahome & Tasuki's location.  
"SHUT THE HELL UP, TAMA!" The woman..er Tasuki shouted, he was red   
with embarassment and anger.  
"Ooooo....Tasuki-san, your so...beautiful.." Tamahome said in a   
husky voice and wrapped his arms around Tasuki,  
"GET OFF ME, HENTAI!" Tasuki ordered and removed his tessen and  
smacked Tamahome on the head with it.  
"Tasuki...is that..really..you?" Miaka said, holding back a grin.  
"How'd you turn into a woman?" Nuriko said, he had a shifty, sly   
look in his eyes, "Show Nuriko-sama where it issssss!"  
"Nuuurrrikkoooo.." Miaka said shaking her head gently.  
"MITSUKAKE! HEAL ME!" Tasuki begged, "I don't want to be a woman!"  
"What's so bad about it?"  
"But you're soooo beaaautifulll.." Miaka demanded and Tamahome   
mocked simultaenously.  
"BEING A WOMAN SUCKS!" Tasuki raged.  
"I don't think that this is something that can be healed."  
Mitsukake answered solemnly, but he too was hiding a smile.  
"Until you get healed, let me give you some fashion tips!" Miaka  
smiled cheerfully, she removed her hair ribbons and tied Tasuki's hair up   
similar to how she usually wore her hair,  
"I feel like a freaking idiot." Tasuki muttered,  
"You look ridiculous." Hotohori answered, "You simply aren't  
beautiful!" he said in a woeful tone.  
"No one's as beautiful as you, Hotohori." Miaka grinned.  
"Hahaha..Tasuki with odango for hair and breasts..heehehehehee..  
where's that..that camera thing of yours, Miaka?" Tamahome laughed,   
obviously unable to stop teasing.  
"Shut the fuck up, Tama!" Tasuki shouted,  
"Anou, Tasuki-san, how exactly DID you become female? Maybe we can  
reverse the process." Chiriko spoke up. Chichiri nodded,  
"Show us where this happened."   
"Anou..before we do that..can we eat first?" Miaka said in a small  
voice from behind Nuriko.  
"You're always hungry!!" Tasuki exclaimed, but of course, he   
relented and the Seven Seishi of Suzaku had lunch.  
  
* * * *  
  
"ITADAKIMASU!" Miaka exclaimed cheerfully and gulped a bowl of soup,  
she set down the bowl as everyone looked on in amazement. That was probably  
the fastest they ever had seen her eat. "Is there anymore?" she asked.   
Everyone face-faulted.   
"I'll have a servant get more." Hotohori replied. Miaka jumped up,  
"Iie, I'll get it!" she said, excited by the prospect of more food.  
Moments later, she returned with a huge vat of soup and a big grin on her  
face. She walked forward, but her foot caught on the rug and the vat of  
soup went flying into the air....and landed right on Tasuki.  
"GOMEN NASAI!" Miaka exclaimed. Tasuki shouted obscenities as he was   
doused with hot soup,  
"Tsk. That's not very lady-like." Tamahome said disdainfully.  
"DO I LOOK LIKE A DAMNED WOMAN TO YOU?!" Tasuki exclaimed, sure   
enough he had returned to his male-form. He lunged towards Tamahome and the  
two began to brawl.  
"Tasuki-kun, Tamahome-kun.." Chichiri said shaking his head sadly,  
"Hot water turned Tasuki back into a man? I think I know what  
happened to him, I read a book about the Cursed Springs..Jusenkyou. Do  
you know of that place, Chichiri-san?" Chiriko asked.  
"I've only heard of it." Chichiri answered, "But if he went to  
Jusenkyou, then cold water returns him to a female." Tamahome and Tasuki  
instantly stopped fighting and looked at Chichiri,  
"Naaannnii..cold water you say?" Tamahome smirked, "How appropriate."  
he said under his breath. (o_0)  
"ECCHI ECCHI ECCHI!" Miaka exclaimed and smacked him on head,  
"How do YOU know about that sort of thing?" Tamahome asked with  
shifty eyes. Chichiri tear-dropped.  
"Anyway, about cold water.." Mitsukake said, cutting into a   
discussion he really didn't want to see continued. Tamahome's eyes glinted  
evilly and he picked up his glass of water and poured it over Tasuki's   
head, the transformation occured suddenly.  
"Cold water--female." he began,   
"Hot water--male." he finished as he poured the remainder of his  
soup on Tasuki's head.  
"OOI! I'M NOT A FUCKING TOY, BAKA! STOP THAT!" Tasuki shouted.  
"I like the female better, she's cuter." Tamahome said and poured  
Chiriko's glass of water on Tasuki. "That's so fun." Tasuki's eyes narrowed  
and he grabbed his Tessen and whacked Tamahome repeatedly with it.  
"ITAI! That thing hurts, it's not made out of paper or anything!"  
Tamahome exclaimed.  
"Tasuki, take us to Jusenkyou...maybe we can find a cursed spring  
that can reverse the process." Chichiri suggested.  
"I'm going a a man though, there's no way in hell I'm going as a  
woman." Tasuki said, he grabbed Chiriko's soup and poured it over his head,  
"I can't drink..I can't eat.." Chiriko cried, looking at the former  
location of his soup and water. No one heard his cries.  
  
* * * *  
  
"Tasuki...why didn't you read this sign before you jumped into the  
water?" Chichiri asked as he and Chiriko examined the worn sign that read:  
Jusenkyou--Keep Out, below it read warnings of what the possible   
consequences of continuing onward were.  
"It wasn't there when I was here!" Tasuki exclaimed, everyone gave  
him look.  
"Heeheehee...cold water--woman!" Tamahome said, giggling like a  
child. He pulled out a small bottle of water out of nowhere and poured the   
contents on Tasuki's head.  
"TAMA! I'll kill you!" Tasuki shouted. Tamahome returned by laughing  
insanely.  
"Tamahome-kun.." Chichiri said as he tear-dropped.  
"Hey, Tama, how'd YOU like to get pushed in the pool?" Tasuki  
suddenly suggested, with ease she grabbed his leg and dragged him over to  
the 'Spring of Drowned Girl.' Tamahome's smile melted away into pure  
super-deformed fear.  
"NO!!" he screamed clawing at the grass, "I WANT TO KEEP MY   
MANHOOD!"  
"Tasuki! No!" Miaka exclaimed and dashed towards him, the last thing  
she wanted was her fiancee to be female.  
"Where's the water, where's the water, where's the water?!" Nuriko  
exclaimed running from sign to sign trying to find the 'Spring of Drowned  
Girl.'  
"Nuriko!" Chichiri exclaimed, he and Chiriko exchanged looks.   
"Naaannni...I was just..cuuurious.." Nuriko said innocently.  
"TASUKI!" Miaka shrieked. Chichiri turned around and saw Tasuki  
holding Tamahome by his leg and suspending him above the water,  
"Hey, TAMA! How do you like it?!" Tasuki asked, Tamahome's face wore  
a look of pure fear,  
"TAAAAAASUUUUUUKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!" he pleaded.  
"Tasuki!" Chichiri said, frowning behind his mask.  
"You can't reverse the process by falling into another pool." an old  
voice said out of nowhere. An old ugly woman appeared before Tasuki,   
Taiitsu-kun. Tamahome screamed, and Tasuki fell back in surprise, dropping  
Tamahome into the pool of water. Tasuki burst out laughing,  
"IYA!!! TAMAHOMMEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!" Miaka screamed. Tamahome rose to  
the surface instantly. Everyone's eyes widened in surprise as they saw a  
beautiful woman standing before them with aqua hair and a perfect figure.  
Tasuki pounded the ground and laughed hysterically,  
"Tamahome is beautiful.." Hotohori said, turning to Nuriko. To her  
surprise he wasn't there..instead he was darting towards the pool. He went   
into diving stance ready to dive head-first into the spring, when all of  
a sudden Taiitsu-kun transported them to her mountain. Nuriko dived head  
first into a rock.  
"Taiitsu-kun, onegaishimasu, change Tamahome back!" Miaka begged,  
"He's half the man he was before!" she exclaimed. Mitsukake shook his head  
at her pun.  
"Don't worry, the spell cannot be reversed by falling into the  
Spring of Drowned Boy or anything, but it can be reversed." Taiitsu-kun  
replied, "Nyan, Nyan." she called. Two pink bubbles appeared and two blue  
haired girls appeared cheerfully.  
"We're here!" Nyan #1 began,  
"To fix!" Nyan #2 continued,  
"Tamahome & Tasuki!" Nyan #1 finished,  
"Fix, Fix, Cure, Cure!" they exclaimed in unison. "Follow!"  
Tamahome and Tasuki warily followed the two Nyan-nyan, giving each other  
death glares.  
"This was definately an experience I'm going to write about."   
Chiriko commented, "Yes, I'll write a love-story about two people and the  
main character has qualities of both Tamahome-san and Tasuki-san.   
Tamahome-san's goodlooks and fighting skills and Tasuki's courage and   
attitude." Chiriko added.  
"What's the plot?" Mitsukake asked. Chiriko cocked his head to the  
side,   
"Well..it'll be a love story between he and a girl...but...I...don't  
think there is a plot."  
"Write it on a scroll, maybe someday someone will find it and   
publish it." Chichiri suggested. Chiriko seemed to be pondering the idea  
when Tasuki and Tamahome returned. Miaka ran into Tamahome's arms,  
"TAMAHOMMEE!" she cried,  
"Miaka.." he said, however he and Tasuki both wore very very   
disturbed looks on their faces.   
"Oh no...they did...horrible things to you!" Miaka wailed,  
stifling a sob. Terrible mental images ran through her brain, Tasuki and  
Tamahome...and two Nyan-nyan...  
"Miaka.." Tamahome said shaking his head, "Don't think such strange  
things."   
"I'M A MAN! I'M A MAN! GENROU-KUN IS BACK!" Tasuki shouted proudly,  
stomping around and waving the Tessen around.  
"So you're a man, you say, Gen-CHAN." Tamahome snickered, Tasuki  
turned around and hit him repeatedly on the head with the Tessen.  
"DON'T CALL ME -CHAN, TAMA-CHAN!" he raged,  
"DON'T HIT ME WITH YOUR IRON FAN!" Tamahome raged back, they lunged  
towards each other and began to brawl once more. Miaka shook her head  
gently as Hotohori laid a hand on her shoulder, she smiled,  
"At least we know they're back to normal.."  
  
* The End *  
  
Note #2: The author was in no way insinuating that Ranma ½ has no plot, no  
no way..she would never do that..noo..She was also in no way suggesting that  
an adorable Nyan-nyan might actually think to do evil things to two  
vulnerable, yet hot, Suzaku Seishi. ;)  
  
  



End file.
